When you get rejected by a woman,  how do you handle it?  Does it devastate you?  Does it wreck your confidence?  Or do you see it for what it really is,  feedback and nothing more than that?

If you are like most guys,  you probably don't see it as being just feedback.  You probably do take it to heart.  You probably do allow it to mess with your mind and tear down your confidence.

You don't have to allow it to tear your confidence down,  though.

You can retrain yourself to see it as being feedback and nothing more than that.

Rejection can be useful.  You can learn from it and if you do learn from it,  it can make you better.

Let's look at an example of what I mean:

You see a beautiful woman standing at the bar and you decide that you are going to go ahead and approach her.  You have a line that you are going to use and as you walk up to her,  you say your line thinking that she is going to fall for it.  She doesn't.  You turn back around and have to deal with the fact that it didn't work out the way that you wanted it to.

In that kind of situation,  most guys will either feel really bad about themselves or they will say something negative about the woman so that they can protect their ego.

What they could have done is to look at WHY they got rejected and inspect to see if there was anything that they could have changed or done differently.

• Maybe the line wasn't good at all.
• Maybe using a line wasn't the best way to open her and create rapport.
• Maybe you didn't create any rapport at all,  so she just saw you as being some strange guy trying to talk to her.

See,  if you look at it from that perspective,  rejection from a woman becomes a chance to get better.  To learn to do things a bit differently.

There is one thing that I have seen time and time again prove to be effective if you really want to get over your insecurities around women and that is... IMMERSE YOURSELF in what makes you insecure.  Now,  I wouldn't do this all at once,  that can end up proving to be a little bit too much.  However,  if you think that you are going to somehow get over your insecurities around women by avoiding women... it's just not going to happen.

MAKE ONE APPROACH PER DAY -

This is an exercise that can seem kind of daunting at first,  but it can end up proving to really help you feel totally secure and confident around women.  Make one approach per day.  In 30 days,  that will mean that you have now approached 30 women.  Most guys don't talk to 30 women in 30 days,  so you'll have the leg up when it comes to experience.  What you should find,  though,  is that it starts to not just get easier to approach a woman,  but also that it gets FUN.

You might even find that you want to make more than just one approach per day and that's fine.

If you are a sports guy like I am,  then you know that the guy that makes the game winning shot doesn't just take that one shot and watch it go in,  right?  He takes thousands and thousands of shots in practice,  in games,  in his backyard before he gets that "one."  That same principle applies when it comes to approaching women.

You might approach dozens of women before you find that one that really takes your breath away.  The difference is,  if you are no longer insecure around women,  you will probably end up getting her.  That's the ultimate goal,  right?  To get that one woman that you never thought you could.  And it can happen as long as you immerse yourself and start putting yourself in situations that you struggle with.

DON'T LET YOUR INSECURITY KEEP YOU FROM GETTING THE GIRL -

No matter what,  you don't want to let any insecurities that you might have around women keep you from getting that girl that you really want.  How bad would it feel to know that she was there and all you had to do was walk up to her and talk to her,  and you couldn't do it?

That would have to be one of the worst feelings in the world.  The only way that you can rise up against your insecurities is to actually rise up.  You can't shirk away and just hope that they will go away.

Can you be a bad boy and still do the relationship thing with a woman you really like?

I think you can.  I don't see why not.  There are plenty of high profile bad boys that find that one woman that they just feel that magic with and they don't think twice about doing the relationship thing. 

For most guys,  that's kind of the whole point.

To have the skills to attract your dream girl and then end up being suave enough that you can keep her attracted to you.

If that is going to happen...

You have to maintain your status.

You can't be the bad boy when you are just having some fun and then go to being a total wuss with a woman once you become her steady boyfriend.

That's something that you have to fight.

A lot of guys wonder why they end up losing their girlfriend when they think that they are doing all of the right things.  What they usually have ended up doing is all of the wussy things and they lost that edge that she dug when she first met him.

You don't want that to happen,  or else you'll end up single again and wondering what you did wrong.

Maintain your status.  That doesn't mean that you can't do sweet things for her now and again.  You totally can if you also still have that edge that she was attracted to in the first place.

It's when that edge wears off that the sparks start to die out and the relationship comes to an end.

We've all had that one girlfriend that stood out from the rest.

Maybe she was the prettiest woman that you've ever dated.  Maybe she was the most caring or kind.  Or,  maybe she just knew how to have a good time and being around her put you in a totally different state of mind.

When you have a woman that you just can't get over,  it makes you think about the what if?

What if you could have another chance with her?

What if she still thought about you?

What if things had been different and you and her had never broken up.

While you are thinking about all of those things,  it can be good to identify that there is or was a quality that she had that you really dug.  Something about her that made you feel like she was the one.

So,  what you really might be after is someone that has that quality and of course,  since she is the one that you identify with that quality... she is the first image that is going to pop into your mind.

That doesn't mean that it has to be her though.

That might just mean that you know what you really like and if you could find another woman that had that same quality,  you'd be falling head over for heels for that one.

I'm cool with the idea that some guys want to get back with their ex girlfriend.  I don't think that is always a bad thing.  I do think that sometimes it just has to do with the fact that she had that quality that you were really after,  and it is more that quality that you were attracted to than it was her.

I am usually not one who is big on any mindset talk,  just because it usually ends up getting all New Age really quickly and that's just not my thing.  However,  I am going to try to talk about having the right mindset for attracting women and getting a girlfriend without going into a spiel that makes it sound like you can magically attract a woman into your life.

The average mindset of a guy who isn't doing all that well with the ladies is that he kind of doesn't think that he really has a chance with most women and he feels like he should be grateful for whatever female attention that he can get.  I know plenty of guys who look at dating in that way,  and they usually don't end up with their dream girlfriend or even their dream relationship situation. 

They usually end up being frustrated and saying things like,  "I'd like to go the game,  but you know the girlfriend won't let me."

Or,  they end up being the guy who buys drinks for just about every girl in the club, but they go home alone.

Either way,  they aren't really having that much fun and that's a shame.

When you change the way that you see things and you feel like you DO deserve to have a great woman in your life,  you DO deserve to be able to do the things that you want,  and you DON'T have to buy things for women to like you... things will change and it is all because you are coming from a different state of mind.

Instead of hoping that a woman will pay attention to you and being thrilled if she does,  you'll know that you deserve female attention and it shouldn't come at the cost of your wallet,  your dignity, or your way of life.

So,  what exactly do you need to do to cultivate that kind of mindset so that it is easier for you to get a girlfriend?

1)  You need to be willing to walk away from a woman.  If you don't have that willingness,  then you will put up with anything.  You'll be that guy who has a girlfriend that treats him like dirt and you'll take it.  Or,  you'll be that guy that gets put in the friend zone and doesn't have a chance of being anything other than a guy who will do a woman favors when she needs them.

2)  You need to be confident enough in yourself to know that you deserve female attention.  You really can't expect to get attention unless you feel like you do deserve it,  otherwise you'll make yourself small in social situations and then wonder why you aren't getting much play from women at all.

3)  You need to understand that rejection is a part of this game and its not that big of a deal.  Having this kind of mindset will allow you to bounce back when you don't get a warm response from a woman.  It'll allow you to move on to the next one until you find the one that you actually click with.

Some guys like to sweat the little things.  They focus in on one little detail and they become obsessed with it.  That's not a way to live,  in my opinion.  I've dealt with guys who wanted to know things like should they be friends with an ex girlfriend on Facebook and you know what?

While I understand the concern,   when you look at it from a bigger picture perspective...

You'll see that it doesn't really make sense to be too concerned with something like that.  Not when there is a much bigger picture involved.  In the example of a guy wanting to know about being friends with an ex girlfriend on Facebook,  the bigger picture is that they are still usually in love with her and that is what the real issue is.

Problem is,  when you sweat the little things,  you usually lose the energy that you could have spent on something bigger and better.

A guy who is concerned about Facebook should probably be more concerned with his overall dating life and not just with a simple site that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

That's not the only time that I see guys sweating the small stuff.  Even something like worrying about what shirt to wear to a club is really not that big of a thing if what you are trying to do is attract a woman.  The style of the shirt doesn't matter one bit if you don't have the skill to talk to a woman or if you don't have the courage to even approach a woman.

Trust me,  very few situations hinge on something so small.  Especially when it comes to something like dating or meeting women.

Sometimes guys want help with their relationships and what they are asking for isn't really possible.  I had one guy ask me one time if there was a way that he could somehow break up a relationship so that he could get his ex girlfriend back.  I guess they had split sometime back and he wanted her back,  but she ended up meeting a new guy that she married.  I told him it was impossible,  but even if it was possible,  why would a guy want to go and do that?

You might find yourself in a situation where you are trying to do the impossible and that is setting yourself up for failure most likely,  but definitely it will make you unhappy.

Let's say that guy had broken up that marriage but didn't get his ex back,  just caused massive amounts of heart break and pain.  What would that achieve?  Would it make him feel any better or make his love life somehow fulfilling?

Doubt it.

It's much better to try and focus on what is possible.

Not to say that you shouldn't stretch yourself,  you definitely should.

Still,  sometimes you just have to admit that certain things are not going to happen.

And be cool with it.

That's part of having the right mindset,  to be honest.

Is it possible to hook up with that celebrity you have a crush on?

Probably not.  Unless you plan to move out to Hollywood and star in a few films.

Is it possible to hook up with a woman who looks a lot like that celeb you have that crush on?

You bet.

Instead of focusing in on that one woman that you can't get... why not focus on the ones that you can get?