It's Only Feedback

9/28/2013

 
When you get rejected by a woman,  how do you handle it?  Does it devastate you?  Does it wreck your confidence?  Or do you see it for what it really is,  feedback and nothing more than that?

If you are like most guys,  you probably don't see it as being just feedback.  You probably do take it to heart.  You probably do allow it to mess with your mind and tear down your confidence.

You don't have to allow it to tear your confidence down,  though.

You can retrain yourself to see it as being feedback and nothing more than that.

Rejection can be useful.  You can learn from it and if you do learn from it,  it can make you better.

Let's look at an example of what I mean:

You see a beautiful woman standing at the bar and you decide that you are going to go ahead and approach her.  You have a line that you are going to use and as you walk up to her,  you say your line thinking that she is going to fall for it.  She doesn't.  You turn back around and have to deal with the fact that it didn't work out the way that you wanted it to.

In that kind of situation,  most guys will either feel really bad about themselves or they will say something negative about the woman so that they can protect their ego.

What they could have done is to look at WHY they got rejected and inspect to see if there was anything that they could have changed or done differently.

  • Maybe the line wasn't good at all.
  • Maybe using a line wasn't the best way to open her and create rapport.
  • Maybe you didn't create any rapport at all,  so she just saw you as being some strange guy trying to talk to her.

See,  if you look at it from that perspective,  rejection from a woman becomes a chance to get better.  To learn to do things a bit differently.


 
A man has to know how to shave,  right?  In this video,  Gillette gives out some shaving tips for men.  It's worth taking a look at if you can't seem to get it right when it comes to shaving.
 
Getting approach anxiety,  feeling anxious about approaching a woman you are attracted to is normal.  It happens all of the time.  What you should know is that it is possible to get over it to enough of an extent that it doesn't have to be much of an obstacle that you have to deal with anymore.  For any guy who has had to deal with approach anxiety - it can be a hard thing to try to cope with.  One thing that you should be realistic about,  though,  is the fact that it almost never goes away completely.  You are always going to have situations that make you feel a little bit anxious about approaching a woman.  What I would hate to see,  though,  is a guy avoiding chances to talk to women because his approach anxiety ends up getting the best of him.

Here is a video that deals with anxiety that I think is good,  even though it isn't exactly about approach anxiety,  it still is worth watching and can be quite helpful:
One thing that definitely helps when it comes to dealing with approach anxiety is to make the "problem" seem smaller by not putting as much weight on the fact that you are really hoping to make a good impression.  Think about it in the context of going for a job interview,  for example.  If there is a job that you are really hoping to get,  then you are going to feel more anxious in that interview than you would for a job that you really don't care if you get or not.  The same can be said about approaching women a lot of the time.  If you think about it,  you probably don't get as much anxiety about approaching a woman you are not that attracted to,  right?  Part of the reason for that is because you don't care about any outcome,  you are not trying to attract that woman.  If you were trying to attract her,  then you probably would be feeling some anxiety.

So,  if you can "trick" your mind into feeling like you don't care what the outcome is,  a lot of the time you will find that most or all of the anxiety that you feel about approaching a woman will go away.  Another thing that works,  and this is something that really does help a lot,  is to become a little more casual when approaching women.  The less you are trying to come across as smooth,  the less you are trying hard to be seen as the coolest guy in the room,  the easier it is to just go ahead and make conversation.  And that nonchalant approach tends to work out better for most guys than trying too hard to come across as cool does.

That may go against the grain of what a lot of PUA style coaches try to teach,  but you know what,  who cares?  It's more about what actually works for most guys in most situations,  right?  If you want to get a little more advice from someone that I highly recommend,  then I would say that you want to check out any articles by Wayne Elise on Psychology Today.  Here is one that refers to approach anxiety that is pretty good in my opinion:  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/art-charisma/200804/how-deal-approach-anxiety

Hands down,  you can learn more from him when it comes to approach anxiety and making GOOD conversation with women than you would from most self proclaimed pick up artists out there.  If you prefer video,  then this is a good one by Wayne Elise about talking to women:
 
These guys produce some funny stuff,  but this one in particular is really funny to me.  
 
I actually don't have a lot to say today,  but I did come across an article on Psychology Today that is worth a read.  It's from a clinical psychologist,  so if you are one of those guys who really wants to get a clinical look at what a woman might find attractive,  it's worth checking out.  Having a glance,  I'd say that there are some things that I agree with and some that don't seem to ring so true to me as far as my experience with women goes.  Still,  it's worth a look,  so here it is: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/head-games/201303/what-women-find-sexy

Most guys who get into the idea of learning how to attract and seduce women seem to only want to get their information from guys and mostly from guys with no psychology background and no clinical background.  I think that is okay,  but I also think that you should check out what women have to say about attraction,  they aren't all oblivious to what is going on when they are attracted to a man.  And to get some advice or some insight from research can be good,  though you do have to be careful because some of the time,  the way that they set the research up is too clinical and not at all like what happens in the real world.
 
I've seen lots of things when it comes to the pick up and seduction game.  And one thing that I have always noticed is that the ones who try to play the game the hardest,  don't usually do quite as well as the ones who know how to just go with the flow.  Here is what I mean:  A guy memorizes some kind of a routine or script that he learns and so he goes out into the field,  expecting to be able to execute the routine or script flawlessly and end up having a pretty fun night.  

So,  he goes and he approaches a woman and that women does something he doesn't expect - she gives him other answers than what the routine or script works off of.  And that throws his game off completely and he totally loses on that opportunity.  It's okay to rely on a routine or a script if that is what you need to do,  especially at first.  But,  you have to learn to be flexible.

That's really what I mean when I say that you don't want to play the game so hard.

You don't want to become so rigid in following some kind of routine that you can't play off of what is naturally happening. I've seen guys get obvious indicators of interest from women,  all of the signs that they need to see to know that the woman likes them.  But,  because she isn't playing off a routine,  the guy backs off and assumes that he had no chance.

When you do that,  you lose that opportunity but you also lose something bigger than that.  You lose the chance to find out if you can play in the field without any routines.  That is how you become a natural.  That is how you are going to become that guy who can make a woman feel attracted to him in a matter of moments.

Oh My Mandie Sue

7/21/2013

 
If you have never seen Mandie Sue before from Playboy's Cyber Girls,  she is definitely a lovely lady to look at.  I don't want to embed the video here,  so I found a cool site to look at that is PG-13 ish.

Check it out:  Mandie Sue Video

One thing that always comes to mind when you see a woman like this is,  they are everywhere.  Before she was discovered,  she was just a woman in a town or city somewhere and there were guys who wanted to approach her but didn't.  Well,  are you going to be like those guys,  or are you going to unleash your inner bad boy and actually learn how to approach a woman like that?

Because,  when she becomes famous and athletes and celebrities become the guys she can get - you might lose your opportunity.  Think about that the next time you are in a club and you see an attractive woman walk in.  She might just become the next Mandie Sue.
 
What do you do when the summer time comes and the women start showing off their bodies a little more and you start to feel like you really want to get a girlfriend or just have some casual fun?  Most guys don't do a thing - they just think about how nice it would be if they could do something.  Make this summer one to have some fun.  If you are good with women,  then go get some.  If you are not - why not take the time to figure out what you have to do so that you can become good with women.

Wanna start?  Read this post:  Female Psychology Secrets

After you read that post,  you should be thinking a little bit different.  You should be realizing that women don't have to be out of your league just because they look attractive and you should realize that if you know how to have a good time and how to flirt with women - you should do just fine and those summer time dreams have a chance to become a reality.  So,  if you are going to set one "bad boy" goal this summer - make that goal to be to have some fun.  It is worth it.

Make a list of 10 places that you can go to meet women and choose one of those places each weekend.

Challenge yourself to take action and talk to some of those girls you would normally never talk to.  A good place to get started is at the beach.  Just a tip.
 
These real men of Genius spots were always hilarious to me.  And anyone who likes sports knows exactly who the Mr. Sports Heckler guy is.  Have yourself a hearty laugh with this one.
 
Here is one of the main problems that you get with conventional dating wisdom.  It's based on what tends to be politically correct advice,  stuff that is safe to say,  but not necessarily stuff that is really all that effective.  Case in point,  the idea that a guy should try to be friends first with a woman.  Sounds great in theory.  Sounds like the way that it "ought" to be,  right.

Okay,  go ahead and ask 10 random guys in their twenties about the realities of friends first.  Probably 7 or 8 out of those 10 are going to have one of those stories about being in love with a woman friend and it leading nowhere at all,  except for friendship.  Now,  friendship is not a bad thing.  It's GOOD to be friends with women.  It's not always good nor healthy to try to be friends with a woman you would rather be dating.

That can lead to a whole lot of emotional turmoil.

Here are some reasons why you can't be concerned with trying to be friends first with a woman:

1.  If you are her friend - what do you think she is going to talk about with you?  Eventually she is going to be talking about the guys she likes,  the guys she has dated,  stuff like that.  Do you want to hear that ... for real?  If you are shaking your head NO,  then you know that being her friend and hearing that is not going to be fun.  

2.  Friends first is not a promise to date later on.  She is not promising that at some later date she will date you if she is your friend.  Not by a long shot.  Really,  she is saying that she likes you just not in that way.  Problem is,  "that way" is exactly the way that you want her to like you.

3.  Finally,  friends first is the kind of thing that you hear because it sounds like a safe answer to give out.  It's not socially as acceptable for someone to tell a guy - you need to escalate quickly with her to avoid the friend zone.  Yet,  that is really the kind of advice that you need to hear if you want to avoid the friend zone with a woman at all costs.

Get more advanced dating advice and techniques that work here:  htto